I expected for life to be normal again as soon as I could hear again. For the most part, it has been. Just last week, one of my coworkers (and VERY dear friend) told be, "you don't understand it, hut you're a totally different person when you can't hear!" I know how different I feel, but it's always interesting to hear that other people see it. I am NOT a happy or nice person when I can't hear. It's just miserable. I can't put into words how terrible it is to lose hearing. It was hell...pure hell for 5 months. I thought my memory of it would become more positive as time passed, but I still cry just thinking about it. I lost MYSELF for 5 miserable months.
Adjusting has been weird. I've healed well and feel wonderful. The hard part has been developing a social life...again. It's been a crazy roller coaster ride over the past 3 years. I hated bring around people for 26 years then realized I actually love it when I can hear. For 6 months, I worked hard to make my owl social life. That's not easy when you're in your late 20s and single...trust me. :) Then I had my other ear implanted and was a hermit for 10 weeks again. Once that ear was activated, I had the best year of my life. I had so much fun DOING things I could never do and enjoying being with people. It was an amazing year. Then I had 3 more surgeries that resulted in 5 months of deafness...again. Now I'm back to square one. I crave social interaction but I have to rebuild that life...again. Now Im constantly waiting for everything to fall apart...again. I feel the incision at least 10 times a day just to make sure everything is ok. I take pictures constantly. There's no reason to think there will be more complications but the emotional scars are huge. Hopefully this will be the last time! :)
Here are a few pictures from some adventures lately. I really do enjoy life when I can hear. :) This is an absolute miracle and more than any other emotion, I feel tremendous gratitude all the time.
Sentinel Dome in Yosemite. I chaperoned our 8th grade camping trip...something I couldn't have done pre-Esteem
My sweet friend Katie and her friends were doing a cross country road trip so they stopped to visit the Sequoias. It's still shocking that I actually made friends and am in contact with people that I only met once. That would never have happened pre-Esteem either. :)
