New normal

I had a couple big "Esteem moments" tonight. I was so fortunate to go to dinner with some very dear friends. We all used to work together and formed a remarkable bond but we don't see each other very often now. I hadn't seen any of them since activation. They're all used to me being deaf and having to repeat stuff. Twice during dinner, someone said something quiet and another person immediately started to repeat it for me automatically. But I didn't need it repeated because I'd heard it...both times. It's funny because hearing is normal for me now. I'm used to the effortless conversations in restaurants and not stressing over every sound in every word. I forget that it is really new and exciting until I'm with someone who isn't used to my "new normal." I absolutely love it, though. I get to relive the excitement over and over! :) The other big moment is that the battery in my Personal Programmer (remote) finally died! At activation, I was told the batteries would last about a month, maybe two if I didn't use the remote a lot. It's been 3 1/2 months. It may not seem like a big deal, but it IS because it means that I don't have to use the remote very often. In fact, I only noticed that the battery light was on because I was showing my friends how the remote works. My goal with the Esteem was to eventually get to the point where I didn't need the remote every day. I honestly can't remember the last time I used it. It's incredible to just be able to hear all the time without messing with hearing aids or batteries or even remotes. "Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift!"

Sound Quality

The number one reason I got the Esteem is quality of life.  Being able to hear all the time is absolutely priceless and worth every second of pain after surgery.  The other big reason is better sound quality.  Since I was born deaf (lower case d on purpose!), I had only heard with hearing aids.  Without amplification, I could only hear extremely loud sounds (blender, lawn mower, etc.).  I honestly thought that hearing aids produced sound "normal" people hear.  I was SO wrong. With my Esteem, I'm not only hearing things I've never heard before, but I hear things completely differently.  For instance, I can hear individual sounds.  With hearing aids, sound is jumbled.  I can't think of a better way to describe it.  All the sounds happen at the same time and it's all amplified.  If you're in a restaurant, the chairs moving and silverware hitting plates is just as loud as the people you want to listen to.  It all blends together in a very loud, uncomfortable jumble.  Of course, I didn't know any different until May.  I was blissfully ignorant. :)  Now, things sound clear.  I don't have to work all the time to understand sound.  See, with hearing aids, even when I could hear sound, I didn't understand it easily.  I had to try hard to distinguish sounds and figure out what I was hearing.  It was the worst with speech.  Ever seen a Bad Lipreading video?  Sounds are very, very similar when you don't hear them clearly and lots of sounds look the same when lipreading.  The Esteem makes hearing easy.

Oddly enough, since I got my new hearing aid, I can't stand it.  I wore hearing aids for 22 years.  If the right one broke, I was hysterical and couldn't function.  I was completely dependent on them, no way around it. I had good, top of the line (Read: Expensive!) hearing aids Now, frankly, it sounds like crap.  Everything is obnoxiously loud and distracting.  It amazes me how well my brain learned to process the horrible sound quality I had for years and makes me ever so grateful for the Esteem.  In fact, when I'm singing at church, I have to take the hearing aid out.  Everything sounds horrible with it - and it's not because the settings are wrong.  Hearing aids just sound bad.  I never realized it because I didn't know what sound was supposed to sound like, but now I do.  And it's absolutely amazing!

I've shared this video before, but a lot more people read this now. :)  This video is a very accurate portrayal of what hearing aids sound like.  It is incredible that any amplification technology exists and allows hard of hearing people to function in a hearing world, but I am so very thankful that I don't have to hear like this anymore. :)

Word Recognition

I have so much to write about!!  This summer has been amazing, mostly thanks to my Esteem.  I still haven't found a way to put into words how much easier it makes my life.  I do not have enough time for a big update tonight, but I DO want to share some really, really exciting news!

Most of you know me in person.  VERY few of you have ever been around me without hearing aids.  It ain't pretty.  Before my Esteem, I was a WRECK if my right hearing aid was broken.  Even with a hearing aid, my left ear was pretty much useless.  I do not function like a deaf person, which made me COMPLETELY dependent on my hearing aids.  If the right one broke, I panicked.  I cried  the drop of a hat, didn't want to be around people, had panic attacks, etc.  It was awful. As always, I don't say that to complain, just to be honest and to show how incredible the Esteem really is!

Last month, I was on vacation for three weeks, starting in Long Beach.  While I was in Long Beach, my right hearing aid broke beyond repair.  Three months ago, that would have been AWFUL.  I would ahve been a wreck and my vacation plans would have been ruined.  But this time, it was no big deal.  I actually did BETTER with just my Esteem than I ever did with two hearing aids.  My trip was fun and relaxed and I was in LOTS of different situations but heard well in all of them.  It was fantastic.

Once I got home, I ordered a new hearing aid with the wonderful Megan (audiologist who makes my steem work so well!) and I picked it up on Wednesday.  It sounds awful...but that's a whole other post.  While I was there, I asked Megan if she would do a word recognition test on my Esteem because thought I was understanding speech better after a month with no hearing aid.  You see, the Esteem and a hearing aid sound completely different.  I was used to the way speech sounded with hearing aids and had to learn how to understand with my Esteem. When I had that hearing aid, I was kind of using it as a crutch because it was a familiar sound.  When I was forced to go without it, I learned how to listen and understand speech with my Esteem.  The word recognition test (aka speech discrimination) requires me to repeat one syllable words  that are played at 50 dB (conversation level).  One syllable words are the worst for deaf people because we really do have to hear every sound.  In a multisyllabic word, we can use other syllables to figure out the word if we miss sounds.  So this test has always been the worst for me.  Before surgery, with a hearing aid, I got 0%. That means that, even with my hearing aid, I could not understand speech in my left ear.  At activation, I got 56%, which is fantastic!  At my adjustment 4 weeks after activation, I got 68% - even better!  But...after a month with JUST my Esteem, I got 92%!!!  During the test, I kept thinking, "OH!!  That's what that word is!" I've had this test dozens of times but never knew what some of those words were...haha! 

There's a lot of negative press about the Esteem right now.  While I am truly, truly sorry for people who are not getting great results, I am SO THANKFUL for this miracle - and that's what it is.