Yesterday, I read a quote from C.S. Lewis. Well, it was the quote from my "C.S. Lewis Quote of the Day" app, but it was particularly fantastic nonetheless.
My life is being very uncomfortably interrupted right now and I hate it. Oddly enough, it feels like my life didn't really begin until two years ago, when I could hear and finally became ME. For the first time, the insane anxiety and loneliness and fear weren't the dominating factors in my life. It was incredible. Now...that life that I had come to love is on hold. It's miserable. I hate feeling so blah all the time. It's like I'm in a bubble. Life is going on all around me but I'm not a part of anything. Even when I'm doing things I enjoy, I'm not fully present. I can't figure out how to be me while I can't hear. I despise it. Every day passed is another one crossed off the list. That's really how I view life right now. The last week has been particularly awful because a sinus infection and congestion have left me with even worse hearing and/or feedback (whistling) from my one working ear. Fun times.
But that's not appropriate. As much as I despise it, God has allowed this difficulty. I know He will work it for good because He promises to, but it sure doesn't feel good right now. Reading this quote was kind of a kick in the pants. No, things are not good now. I'm very limited in what I can do and I can't enjoy things like I normally do, but that's not an excuse. I still have to put on a happy face and try to make the best of this time. It's tough but that's where grace comes in. I really need that grace right now.
On the bright side, my incision is healing REALLY well. Tomorrow marks 11 weeks since surgery. I think it looks great! I'm almost to the halfway mark.
