3 Month Update

Tomorrow will be 3 months since my second surgery.  Recovery has been brutal, but absolutely worth it!!!!!  I checked my tymp (ear pressure) at school today (thank you, Nurse Sandi!) and it's finally showing a little movement.  The tympanogram measures movement of the ear drum.  If the ear canal is filled with fluid, the ear drum doesn't move.  Since the Esteem does not have a microphone, but uses the ear drum as a microphone (like normal ears do!), it's kind of an issue when the ear drum doesn't move.  It can't carry the sound waves because they are vibrations.  Now that my ear drum is moving a little, my hearing will get better.  Of course, I think it's wonderful right now...and it's nowhere near healed yet!

The best part of the second Esteem is that it just feels normal.  With the first one, I noticed every little sound and it was amazing.  I was a little nervous that this one would be disappointing because I wouldn't notice every single sound.  I thought it would be less exciting.  It definitely is less exciting, but it's amazing how natural it feels.  I don't have to think to hear.  The stress relief that comes with that is the single best thing about the Esteem.  If you're not deaf, you don't understand that and I am glad you don't! :)  If you are, though, trust me: the Esteem makes life so much easier!

I love music.  I enjoy singing and playing the piano.  With my hearing loss, everyone was amazed that I can sing.  I'm not very good, but I can carry a tune.  That is absolutely God's grace.  It's also probably a little bit of my stubborn personality.  I do not like to be told that I can't do something so I've kind of built my life around doing things that require hearing.  That being said, I sing in the praise team at church.  We have an electric piano.  I hate that thing.  Before my Esteem (and after the second surgery when my right ear was totally deaf), I had to stand right in front of the monitor.  With an electric piano, I can't feel vibrations in the floor and it is very, very difficult to stay on pitch and in time when you can't hear the music.  I usually stood right in front of the monitor, turned it all the way up and put my hand on it so I could feel vibrations through it.  Last week, the monitor started smoking and is no longer useable.  We've had one praise team practice and one Sunday morning service without monitors and I did just fine!!!!!!  We have drums on stage now, too, which helps with timing, but makes it harder to hear the electric piano...but even with that, I could hear the music!  It's such a relief to be able to focus on worship instead of obsessing over hearing the music.

The past few weeks have been really stressful and I've been emotional...but the Esteem helps so much! Despite all of the exterior stress, I don't have to feel isolated and like I'm missing so much.  I am thankful every minute of every day!

2 weeks and it feels normal

Well, hearing feels normal. The implant site still hurts! I still try to take out my hearing aids at night but adapting to this implant has been really easy! I'm amazed at how much easier everything is. I have to do a lot of reading assessments at work (I teach special ed) that require me to hear the exact words kids say. It was rough before, since many common reading mistakes are common hearing mistakes, too! Long and short vowels, for instance, or beginning and ending sounds or inflectional endings. Today I have several reading assessments and only had to ask one student to repeat herself. That is a tremendous blessing!!!

The other thing that's tons easier is singing at church. It's hard to hear so many other voices (especially if someone is off key) but I don't have to think about how I'm singing so much. I can actually hear myself inside my head, which is very advantageous. With hearing aids, you can't hear yourself inside your head. I am really enjoying that. It's kind if eerie to me. Singing along to the radio is a lot more fun. :) I missed church last night because I was sick, but apparently the sound system blew up. I think that was God intervening. The monitor (that is now fried) buzzed constantly and it was driving me insane now that I can hear it. :)

I've had a cold for the last week. Colds are never fun, but they are worse with the Esteem. In November, I got really dizzy and nauseated. Fortunately, I haven't done that this time. The excess fluid in the ear makes my Esteem whistle, though. That is NOT cool at night. I have a remote but I rarely use it and it stays downstairs so I couldn't turn the implant off last night. Teaching on 3 hours of sleep isn't so great...but what a great reason to be awake!