Normal

I've survived 4 weeks missing one Esteem now and that's exactly what life has been - survival. I'm exhausted from the constant strain of working to hear. Every night, I get in bed and feel thankful that I made it through one more day but then I have to get up and do it again. 

I'm NOT me. It feels weird to say that. I spent 26 years without hearing. That should be normal, right? It's not. In the 2 years since my first implant, I've come alive. I'm not reserved or shy or nervous anymore. I ENJOY life instead of feeling anxious all the time. It's remarkable. I never dreamed that my hearing loss was dictating my personality. It's ironic because the deaf community is adamantly opposed to surgically treating hearing loss because they say being deaf is a crucial part of who we are as people. I'm living proof that it's not. Getting hearing implants didn't take away any part of me. It was the opposite: It allowed me to find out who I am. I'm not shy or reserved or pessimistic. I'm bubbly and cheerful and outgoing. I never knew that because being deaf kept me so isolated. Now, even with one implant, I don't feel like me. I miss that cheerful spirit and endless energy. One of my coworkers actually commented last week, "You're just not you now." She's right.  

How incredible is it that after 2 years of hearing (compared to 26 years of not hearing), the hearing is "normal "?!? I can't believe how good God is to allow me to experience this miracle. Tomorrow marks 2 years since my first surgery. Two years ago, I didn't know what this roller coaster would bring. I was hoping for hearing like I had with a hearing aid, but I got so much more...immeasurably more than I could have asked or imagined.