My activation is in 3 hours. Surprise! I've only told a few people outside of work. I'm writing this on the way to Newport but won't post it until later. Truth be told, I'm terrified. I've been so excited and open about all of this and now I'm afraid I'll be proved a fool. I'm well aware that today will probably be anti climactic and I will probably be very discouraged. That's normal because this is a HUGE CHANGE. But there's still lingering doubt...what if it doesn't work at all? (Side note: after a few hours in the car listening to my dad's music, that doesnt sound so bad!) What if there's scar tissue and I need another surgery? What if it does work but I never adjust? I had several nightmares last night. In each one, something major went wrong. It didn't work at all in one, I hated it in another and the doctor told me it would never be able to be activated in another. I'm a little tired today. :)
It's silly, I know. I'm 100% certain that God led me to this and He does not lead in error, but this journey is an emotional one. I am very change averse and the last few years have been full of change. Wait, the last few WEEKS have been full of change! It's still surreal that in a few hours, I won't be deaf anymore. I suppose it's fear of the unknown more than anything. the surgery wasn't scary because I knew what to expect. I know what swelling, pressure and pain feel like. But hearing? I have no idea what that's like. It's exciting and terrifying all at once.
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