I Can Hear

How do I start this?  My life changed instantly on Friday.  I'd been told the Esteem was a "miracle" and "life changing" but there's just no way to describe this!  To really understand what I'm going to say, you have to watch this:




Hearing aids are wonderful.  They allowed me to function for 22 years.  For perspective, I'm "deaf enough" to have been in deaf school and to have ASL as my primary language.  Thankfully, my parents did not choose that route for me.  I know a lot of people prefer sign and I probably would if I knew how to sign - ha!  I am so thankful that hearing aids allowed me to speak and sing and enjoy music and live a "hearing" life.  But now...well, they suck.  I had NO CLUE how hard I was having to work just to hear!  My teachers always said I was super focused and now I know why.  It was so difficult!  In order to hear, I had to figure out where sound was coming from (which is impossible with hearing aids) then try to lip read.  Of course, if someone had facial hair or an accent or was covering their mouth or had irregular speech patterns, that was impossible.  Oh, and when people exaggerated their speech to "help" me lipread, it was the worst! Then, even with lipreading, I missed about half of the words people said.  So, I would listen to whole sentences and try to figure out what made sense in context.  I got it wrong a lot.  That is so embarrassing.  See, I would try to make sense of what I was hearing and then respond to what I thought I heard.  My responses didn't make sense...mortifying!!  Then take into account how many words sound alike.  I couldn't distinguish sounds in words in a normal conversation.  Basically, it was a guessing game.  And it was A LOT OF WORK. 

Fortunately, I didn't realize how difficult it was.  Hearing somewhat normally is AMAZING! I'll post some pictures and give some stats later, but the biggest thing is not that I hear soft sounds now, it's the quality.  Everything is so clear (well, except for church...eek!).  I can tell you how many voices are singing on the radio and distinguish the different instruments.  I heard the difference in an airplane and a helicopter and I didn't even know they sounded different before.  The shower sounds so weird - I can hear the individual drops of water hitting the floor, not just a roaring sound.  Speech is a lot clearer, too.  In fact, at activation, my dad was talking to me with his face behind his iPad and I could understand him.  If you don't know my dad, he mumbles ALL THE TIME.  It was great.  On Mother's Day, I was cooking in the kitchen and could talk to people with my back turned and from another room.  That would have been impossible before!! When I give reading assessments at school, I don't have to lipread.  We had a retirement ceremony at work on Monday and I heard the superintendent talking into a microphone (which covered his lips) and didn't have to ask anyone what he said.  Amazing!! I can even hear my dog drinking water from across the room.  I think my favorite thing is that I can take baths (which is basically my favorite thing ever!) and listen to music. :)  I'm also sleeping better.  I thought sleeping would be difficult, but I think I'm resting better because I know I'll be able to hear if anything happens at night.  It's pretty scary to go to sleep knowing you won't wake up if the smoke detector or alarm go off.  In short, this is all incredible.

Of course, there are downsides, too.:)  After activation, we went to Newport Pier so I could hear the ocean.  That was so cool - never realized there are so many different pitches and distinct sounds involved in the waves.  I can't wait to go to the beach and lay on the sand now!:)  We ate at a diner on the pier and I, stupidly, ordered fish and chips.  I had been warned not to eat anything crunchy because it would be so loud.  Oops.  I bit on the fish and froze - it was LOUD! :)  I'm getting used to chewing, but never dreamed eating salad would be distracting! :)  Certain sounds have a really weird static quality to them.  I'm not sure if it's the Esteem or if it's just the way everyone hears and I don't know how to tune it out yet. Clapping and laughing at church were pretty painful. The weirdest part has been getting used to my own voice.  It's much quieter for y'all but it's BOOMING inside my head!  Singing is really difficult because I hear myself now.  I sound different, too - very hollow.  I hope that changes with time or adjustments to the implant.

I LOVE that background noise is really in the background now.  Before, every little sound was amplified and it was really hard for me to listen to what I wanted to hear.  For instance, at Hobby Lobby, all I heard was the "clank clank clank" of the shopping cart wheels hitting the ground.  On Saturday, I could carry on a conversation with my mom while walking around the store and NOT lipreading.  That's a really big deal.  It's also great at work.  I'm able to focus on the kids I'm talking to and not the dull (ha!) roar that is a K/1 classroom.:)

I am so thankful for all of this.  Realizing how easy it is to hear now makes me even more grateful to have been able to function with hearing aids.  Our God is so faithful - He provided that for me for most of my life and now has made this possible.