It's been 6 weeks and 2 days since surgery and my ear has not healed at. I feel normal, the incision looks great, the hair is even growing back...but the pressure in my middle ear is still bad. Pressure is measured by a tympanogram test. It's supposed to look like a very steep mountain on the screen (see pictures). Unfortunately, mine is still a flat line. A flat line indicates trauma to the ear drum (unlikely, but a possible surgery complication) or a lot of fluid in the ear. Most likely, it's just fluid in the ear that is refusing to go away. Sometimes healing takes a long time but my dr. said by 8 weeks, everyone is healed. However, I know of at least 3 people who have NOT healed by the 8 week mark since they changed the surgery procedures back in August.
The frustrating thing is that I was scheduled to activate last Monday, the 21st. My work schedule is insane right now and I can't really take a day off without missing some important meeting. I scheduled the surgery so I could activate on the 21st and go back for an adjustment on Feb. 11 or 18, which are also holidays. Obviously, my plan didn't work. While I absolutely believe that God can change our plans for a reason, I also believe that sometimes life just stinks. Dramatic? Yes. The funny thing is, with my right ear completely deaf and my left ear (Esteem activated), I'm hearing pretty much the same as I did my whole life with hearing aids, except that the quality is much better. It's awful. Now that I know how well I'm supposed to be hearing, I have no idea how I managed to function like this all through school and college and teaching. I'm stressed out all the time and don't want to be around people. I dread going to church and work....and forget trying to eat in a restaurant! But I made it to my goal of Jan. 21. I didn't let it stop me from living life and I kept a pretty decent attitude about it...but wait; it's not over yet. Needless to say, I'm pretty frustrated. Activation is scheduled for Feb. 11 now, but there's been NO improvement in the last week so I don't know if I'll be able to do that!
I know it will be worth it. Really, I do. I'm just tired of this. Hearing is the main way that we communicate and I had become used to communicating easily. To have that taken away is difficult. Throw in insurance difficulties, the awful surgery center, grad school requirements and 3 dating disasters in the last month and I'm one stressed out girl! It is really strange that I overreact to EVERYTHING when I can't hear. I guess it's that constantly stressed out feeling but it's kind of obnoxious.
Despite the difficulties, I still absolutely believe that the Esteem is a miracle and I am so grateful for it. Before the Esteem, if I didn't have my right hearing aid, I couldn't function. Now, my right ear is completely deaf and it's not easy, but I'm still living life fairly normally. Anything worth having is worth waiting, right? Hopefully, it'll just be a few more weeks!
  |
| Normal (type A) Tympanogram |
 |
| My tympanogram 1-17-13 |
Jill- I am so so sorry that you have to go through this. I can only imagine how frustrated you are right now. I can totally relate with things not going as planned and you are definitely not being dramatic. Its frigging annoying trying to schedule adjustments, activations when you have a full time job/family/etc and its MORE than frustrating and exhausting not being able to hear, especially when that is the lifestyle that you are used to! I know things feel poppy but do not give up! In these situations, I have learned that it is best to let go of the things we can not control (of course after our 5-minute pity party). The situation is what it is and all you can do is look forward into the future. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best. Most importantly, let go and let God. He will come through for you. :)
ReplyDelete