The Esteem has been nothing short of miraculous. It is wonderful and life changing and unbelievable. I could ramble on for hours about the amazing ways it has affected me for good.
But I want to be honest on here. There are some definitely negatives to this experience. Of course, the expense and the pain of surgery and the adjustment period are big downsides and I expected those. There have been a few other negatives that I didn't expect, though. Let's elaborate...
1) Sensory overload - With my first Esteem, I didn't get too much of this. The adjustment was smooth and healing was fast. The second go round has been a completely different story. I think the ear is FINALLY starting to heal and suddenly things are LOUD. I mean, REALLY LOUD. I don't have the right Esteem on full volume but some days, it is so loud, I can barely stand it. Being in Oklahoma this week has set my allergies off like crazy which means some days are good hearing days and some are bad. Today was a good hearing day........but then we went to a BBQ. Everything was so loud and overwhelming I wanted to crawl into a hole. Unfortunately, I only knew a few people there, so I didn't have familiar voices and there was so much noise, I couldn't stand it. I tried plugging my ears and turning my Esteems down, but nothing worked. I got a horrible headache within 15 minutes and was actually nauseated just from the sensory overload. It was NOT fun. Obviously, when I think about it rationally, I'm amazed that I can hear all of those sounds and that anything can be loud enough for me to feel overwhelmed by sound, but at the time, it was miserable. I didn't expect that, especially not 7 months after my second surgery.
2) Personality changes and social changes
This one is complicated. I like studying personalities and knowing my "types." Before my surgeries, I was VERY introverted. I thought that was my personality, but it turns out that I found it draining to be around people because HEARING required so much energy. Now, I'm an ENFJ. Look it up. It's totally me. Adjusting to be extroverted has been really, really hard, though. I really did not enjoy being around people before my Esteems so I have a very small circle of friends. Now I want to be around people ALL.THE.TIME but it's hard to make more friends as a grown up. I also have the social skills of a deaf person. No offense intended, but it's really challenging to socialize when you can't hear...and it's really hard to overcome that later in life. Part of being deaf is knowing that you don't really fit in. You can't hear what people are saying, so you miss out on a lot of conversation and IT SUCKS. It really was the worst part of hearing loss for me. I had enough hearing to know I was missing out on something, but felt ostracized most of the time. It's not because my friends were jerks; I just knew that I couldn't follow the conversations and was always left out. That's not the case anymore, but learning to make new friendships and overcome the crazy fear of being excluded and rejected has been REALLY, REALLY challenging. I definitely did not expect overwhelming loneliness to be part of this Esteem journey, but it is. Before all of this, I needed alone time because people were exhausting. Now, alone time is lonely and that is just no fun at all.
Please know that the incredible joy this journey has brought me and the amazing freedom outweigh ALL the negative a million times over. It's been surreal and magnificent...I read Fancy Nancy today and the adjectives are sticking apparently. :) I do want to be 100% honest, though. Lots of people read this from all over the world (which is crazy to me...but welcome, y'all!) and you need to know what you're in for with the Esteem. It's not all sunshine and roses and smiley faces. It is the most incredible experience I've ever had, though, and I thank God for this blessing every day.
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