Balance

For the first time in my life, I have balanced hearing.  Even with two hearing aids, my right ear was always  much, much better than my left.  Since my first activation, my left ear has been much, much better than my right (even with a hearing aid in that ear).  To be honest, I've been overwhelmed.  I think people are disappointed when they ask me about it because I'm not acting excited or bubbly.  I am excited, but right now, I'm just overwhelmed by sound, change, and gratitude.  The whole experience has been different the second time around.  It's been much more difficult and stressful, but it's definitely worth it.  Again, I'm realizing how much I missed out on before and how much easier life is.  I've been trying to make a list of things I've noticed since having both implants working.  I know I'll leave things out, but here are some highlights:

1) Birds!!!!  Tuesday morning, I walked outside to get in the car and heard THREE different kinds of birds chirping!  All the chirps were different!  I'm used to hearing pigeons (I wish I could program the implant so I don't hear those!) and other birds with deep, low sounds, but the sweet high pitched chirps are new.  It took me a while to figure out what I was hearing.  Then yesterday, getting out of the car at work, my carpool buddy said, "Hey do you hear that?" and it was a different bird.  I didn't know what the sound was until she told me. :)

2) My stove beeps when I turn on a burner.  I've lived here for four years and I use the stove A LOT but I never knew that. :)

3) Praise team practice was tough.  It's very challenging to sing in a group when something changes with hearing.  I'll get used to it, but now that I hear everyone's voices so distinctly within the group, it's challenging to hear the music.  It was pretty funny, though, that I kept asking my dad to turn the volume of the music down because it was WAY too loud....and it was as low as he could set it.  :)  I am so very thankful that, even with the severe loss I've had all my life, I was able to hear music and pitch and sing. That is simply God being gracious.  It is a lot easier to match pitch now that I can hear myself inside my head.

4) I did not realize that you can still hear yourself singing when you're wearing ear buds.  With the Esteem, I hear my own voice inside my head, like people with normal hearing do.  Before, I couldn't hear myself until it came through my hearing aids...so I never knew I could hear myself with earplugs or ear buds.  Crazy!

5) At work on Thursday, I was washing my hands in the restroom and someone in another room said, "Hey, who's in there?" and I answered.  I didn't realize what happened until she said, "Jill?  You heard me??" :)  It's really nice to not have to lipread!

6) Also at work, I heard a few 8th graders talking while their teacher was explaining some math concept so I shot them a dirty look.  Another 8th grader looked up and said, "Hey, I thought you were deaf."  HAHA!  That was priceless. :)

7) Sleeping is tough.  I'm having an alarm installed because all the noises are scaring me!  Turning the implant off is not an option for me because I need to be able to hear at night.  The safety concerns were a big part of why I wanted the Esteem.

8) I'm trying to learn to play my guitar again.  The first time I strummed a chord, I cried.  I've always been fortunate that I can hear individual notes in a piano chord, but never could in a guitar chord. Now I can. :)

9) I LOVE bubble baths!  Being able to listen to music in the tub is fantastic!


I know that, soon, I won't be overwhelmed and will be excited.  Until then, be patient with me. :)  This is an amazing experience and I am so very grateful, but it's a lot to adjust to as well.  It's still surreal in a lot of ways.