Tears

I'm watching my little cousins tonight while their parents are at a dinner. Ellee, who is four, has the same hearing loss that I do, though hers is worse. It's genetic. Fortunately, hers was diagnosed early and she received a cochlear implant when she was a year old. We're both "bionic girls."


Tonight, as I was putting her to bed, I started crying because it hit me. All of the miserable crap I went through as a kid -always feeling left out, the lost/confused feeling, never enjoying sleep-overs, etc-she will never experience! And if I am blessed with babies someday, they will never have to experience that either, even if the inherit my defective genes. :) Thanks be to God!

If Ellee or I had been born 50 years earlier, we would have had no choice but to sign, go to deaf schools, live like a deaf person. Despite the deaf community's claim that being deaf is great because you have friends everywhere, that life would be so isolating. Until I was 25, I had never met a single Deaf person. I can't imagine going to boarding schools and not being able to communicate with my family or people at my church. What a lonely life that would be! As much as I hate still being single and not having kids yet, I am so thankful that amazing technology like this exists now. It makes the wait a little easier knowing that the Esteem will make me a better wife and mom someday and if my kids are deaf, they can get implants early. I pray that my kids have normal hearing, but if they don't, God has graciously and miraculously allowed us to live in a time where technology is available to help us. He is so good!