Surgery #4

Pre-surgery selfie!

As disheartening as the results of this surgery are for me, the surgery itself went really well.  I knew I was pretty emotionally fragile so I wanted to go by myself for all the pre-op stuff.  Thank God (seriously!), I had the same pre-op nurses and anesthesiologist as the last surgery.  They are all WONDERFUL.  One nurse and the anesthesiologist have been with me in all four surgeries.  Having them there made this ordeal so much easier.  I remember before my first surgery, the anesthesiologist (who said to call him Chris) came in with a cup of coffee, joking around and put me at ease.  He's been like that for every surgery.  You should know that surgery doesn't scare me.  I don't get nervous and I'm usually pretty entertaining, especially once they start the happy juice.  This time was different because I was very subdued (though not nervous.  Trusting my doctor completely takes away the nerves), but Lois (the nurse) and Chris were wonderful.  I remember at one point saying, through tears, "I know you're trying to make me laugh and I really appreciate it even though I can't laugh right now!"  It makes all the difference to have such sweet people there.  

I sincerely hope that NO ONE ever has to undergo this ordeal, but just in case, here's the rundown.  Dr.  Shohet said to take two pain pills before surgery because I did not want to be under general anesthesia or even sedated.  I took those and life suddenly didn't seem so bad. :)  We got to the surgery center at 8:30, filled out the paperwork and waited an hour before they called me back.  Surgery was scheduled for 9:30 but didn't actually start until 11:00.  The nurses, Lois and Karen, were wonderful.  They kept bringing me warm blankets and checking in on me.  Somehow, I stayed calm.  I really don't know how.  After an hour or so of waiting, Dr. Shohet came in and that's when I started crying.  He is SO wonderful and patient and sweet.  I know he really did not want to put me through this.  He explained EVERYTHING to me and we discussed anesthesia.  Even though I know I really didn't have a say in the matter, he made me feel like I did (If you read this, thanks for that, Dr. Shohet!) He stayed and talked with me for quite a while.  After that, Chris came in and was also wonderful.  He was also so genuinely apologetic and caring.  That REALLY makes a difference.  I didn't feel like a number or a problem; they made me feel like they care about ME and hurt with me.  They even let me take a box of tissues into surgery. :)  Chris wheeled me into the OR himself and talked the whole time, which seriously helped. Once we got in the OR, he took me phone and snapped some pics.  See what I mean?  He's awesome.  

I was sedated for part of the surgery (and Chris said I could have a 6 month supply of Versed to get me through until my implant is on again.  I'm still waiting on that…) but I remember some of it.  My face was covered (unfortunately) so I couldn't see anything, but everyone in the OR was super sweet and they talked to me the whole time.  Of course, as soon as the battery was removed, I couldn't understand anything.  That…well, that sucked.  I do remember Dr. Shohet telling me that there was no infection and explaining sutures and someone asking me about what grade I teach.  I was really surprised that the tugging and stitching wasn't uncomfortable.  I could feel it, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all.  

I started crying again when people started asking me questions after surgery and I couldn't understand them.  It was just so heartbreaking.  My post-op nurse was wonderful, too.  She offered to sit with me and talk, but I really wanted to be alone so she let me be.  Dr. Shohet came to check on me and his reaction was so kind it makes me cry just thinking about it.  He told me how everything went and asked if I was in pain.  When I said no, he held his hand to his chest and said, "Just here?"  It was so strangely comforting to know that he understands.  Later, my mom told me that he told her, "You and I can't possibly understand what she's going through right now."  He also told her that he can see the difference in my personality from when we started this journey.  Right now, having my feelings validated is very important.  Knowing that my surgeon CARES and tries to understand is touching.  Chris came back to see me again as well and was also so caring.  Because I'm such a relational person, I have to feel connected to people who are taking care of me.  Those two made it clear that they care about me, not just as a case, but as a person…it wasn't just my skin or the implant, but ME that they were concerned about.  That speaks volumes.  When Mom and I were leaving the surgery center, they were both standing outside and stopped to talk to us.  I don't remember what they said, but I do remember thinking, "As awful as this situation is and despite how horrible I feel right now, I am so blessed by these two men."  Prospective Esteem patients, you could not be in better hands than those of Jack Shohet.

The drive home was miserable.  Stop and go traffic is HORRIBLE with that stupid ear bubble.  We finally made it home and Mom has stayed with me since then.  I have felt really good overall, but I got really sick during the night last night.  It's only been one day and I'm already bored out of my mind and desperate for contact with people.  I feel good overall.  I'm swollen and sore, but good.  I miss hearing so much.  When I got my first Esteem (the one that is still on), I couldn't believe how clear everything sounded.  Now, I can't believe I was impressed by one!  If anything, this horrific 6 month ordeal will make me even more grateful for this miracle.  

My sweet friend Philip sent these beautiful yellow flowers on Wednesday.  How sweet is that?!?!  I was so touched!!  Envoy Medical's CEO sent the other flowers today.  When I got my first implant, I was NOT impressed with Envoy.  The company was horrible to deal with.  Over the past two years, they've made some major changes and it's a completely different feel.  The CEO sent me flowers!  What kind of company does that??  Once again, it is so nice to be cared for as a person.  I don't feel like a number or random case.  One of Envoy's employees (Amy) is also dually implanted and she has been in touch with me a lot through this.  I think all of my Esteem friends are horrified at the thought that this could happen to any of us.  Amy has been in touch with Envoy's audiologists and they're trying to come up with some kind of short-term solution to get me some kind of help.  Conventional hearing aids are not an option because the bones of the middle ear are not connected, meaning sound cannot get to the cochlea.  BAHAs aren't strong enough for me to enhance the bone conduction hearing that I still have.  There are a few other options, apparently, and Envoy is trying to figure out something.  I'm very thankful for their concern!

One day down…way too many to go!